Apparently The MTV Movie Awards Happened?

I had no clue the 2009 MTV Movie Awards were tonight, and since I didn't even know what the categories and candidates were, I wandered over to the official site. Having looked everything over and seen the winners, I am reminded exactly why I didn't know it was tonight. The winners are absolute jokes, though it's not really surprising given that the voters are most certainly made up of middle schoolers. Either way, I'll break down the categories and chime in.

Best Movie: Twilight

How this beat out The Dark Knight, Iron Man, and Slumdog Millionaire I'll never know. All three were excellent films, whereas Twilight was mediocre at best.

Best Male Performance: Zac Efron (High School Musical 3)

Really? He was better than Christian Bale (The Dark Knight) and Robert Downey Jr (Iron Man)? I think not, but it's clear there's a theme starting here. Also, wtf are Shia LaBeouf (Eagle Eye) and Vin Diesel (Fast & Furious) even doing on the list of nominees?

Best Female Performance: Kristen Stewart (Twilight)

Noticing the theme yet? Winslet (The Reader) and Henson (Benjamin Button) had no shot seeing as this is MTV. Anne Hathaway (Bride Wars)? I didn't hear a single good thing about that film.

Best Villain: Heath Ledger (The Dark Knight)

The first of two deserving winners. He had no competition from three guys you've never heard of and Dwayne Johnson (Get Smart).

Best Comedic Performance: Jim Carrey (Yes Man)

The second of the two deserving winners. Franco (Pineapple Express) and Carell (Get Smart) were decent nominees, but Poehler (Baby Mama) and Faris (The House Bunny)?

Best Fight: Robert Pattinson vs Cam Gigandet (Twilight)

Though it was one of the only good parts of the movie, it's not better than Bale vs Ledger (TDK) or Perlman vs Goss (Hellboy II). Whatever, this is one Twilight win that is somewhat acceptable.

Best Kiss: Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart (Twilight)

Two nominees were man on man, and the other options were nothing too glamorous, but the one from Slumdog Millionaire was great. The whole movie worked towards that moment, but the voters don't give a damn.

Best Breakthrough Performance, Female: Ashley Tisdale (HSM 3)

Yes, just ignore the fact that Freida Pinto is being pursued for Woody Allen's next film solely from her performance. No one but her on the list should have stood a chance.

Best Breakthrough Performance, Male: Robert Pattinson (Twilight)

Apparently you can give an uninspired, unemotional, and wooden performance and still beat out Dev Patel (Slumdog) who's career, like Pinto's, has skyrocketed from his performance.

Best WTF Moment: Peeing in the sink, Amy Poehler (Baby Mama)

You know what, they're all wtf moments and I don't give a crap about any of them.

Best Song from a Movie: "The Climb" Miley Cyrus (Hannah Montana)

Well, I hear this song everywhere, so I'm going to assume it's incredibly popular. "Jai Ho" (Slumdog) and "The Wrestler" (The Wrestler) were decent.

7 of the 11 categories went to either Twilight or High School Musical. The only people who like these films are middle school girls, and it's the only explanation why these should ever win anything that's not a Razzie. I understand that this is the MTV movie awards, but The Dark Knight, Iron Man, and Slumdog Millionaire should be cleaning house against the competition. They were not only excellent movies, but the exact types that usually dominate this sad excuse for an awards show. Twilight is absolutely mind boggling to me. I tried watching to understand the craze, but I only walked away thinking far less of society. Here's looking forward to next year's MTV Movie Awards!